5 things you learn from food poisoning

December 15, 2015

8 weeks in South America and I’ve suffered 3 counts of major stomach distress.  In the latest bout, which I’m calling ‘Tim Rizzi Disease‘ I spent several days holed up in Banos, Ecuador.  (pun not intended, but appreciated)

Here are a few things I’ve learned:

• Why don’t we have bidets everywhere?  TP is great for those one-a-day poops.  But, not when you are going every 15 minutes.  My ass felt like the batters box after an extra-innings game.    A bidet would have solved this problem and been much more hygienic.  Also, you can’t flush TP in South America.  You simply discard the used 1-ply into a small garbage can.  Not exactly the most pleasant experience when you are in a prison cell hostel room.  The toilet was separated from the bed by a shower curtain.

• Always abandon your room the next day: I was doing major damage to my room and I know it.  My strategy was to wait until the last possible second to check out, and then bolt as fast as possible.  Leaving no time for anyone to recognize my shame.

• Other peoples happiness only adds to your misery: It’s 3 AM, and I’m puking up that gum I swallowed in Kindergarten.  I hear a group of gringos having a grand old time.  Laughing, yelling, laughing.  This pushed me over the edge, to full blown tears.  I should be drunk and having fun!  Instead, I’m hunched over the toilet, trying to push that stupid shower curtain off of me.

• Distractions are a requirement:  The first night of sickness, I had zero distractions.  No TV, no Internet.  It’s not like you can read a book in that state.  The following days, I had Internet and Netflix and at least something to take my mind off my impending doom.

• Phone a friend: This is an important one for me.  I was tempted to suffer silently and allow my body to cleanse itself.  But, this can be scary for your loved ones.  So, call and let people know you are alive.  Plus, it’s nice to have someone to remind you to do things like: drink water, go to a hospital, etc.  After all, we all need someone to lean on.

This was the most challenging part of my trip and the closest I came to despair.  I think I’m starting to turn the corner and even ate something for the first time in 4 days.

2 Responses to “5 things you learn from food poisoning”

1. Shane-O December 15, 2015

   You got this.

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2. Denise December 15, 2015

   I feel your pain. I love you.

   Sent from my iPad

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