It’s hard to tell the story of the past year without getting dark, without diving into the soul cleansing pain and loss that darkened the dawn of what was to be (to date) the happiest year of my life.  In the summer of 2013, after putting up a fight for the record books, my father, Dan Rizzi passed away from cancer.  Something that stands out about that time is that I couldn’t shake the thought that all of my memories of him, my favorite moments only exist in my memory now.  I can close my eyes and see him in his raggedy sweatpants, covered in saw dust.  I can remember the way he smelled and hear his voice, but all of those moments are only mine now.  That’s how I feel his loss the most.  I can imagine him telling a long-winded joke with the wrong punchline.  I just can never hear it again.  “Hear You Me” is the track I listened to while I slowly roamed the streets of Venice upon hearing the news of his passing.

Loss is a difficult feeling.  Those moments are mine.  I can recreate them whenever and however I want.  Separation was a new challenge.  Winter 2013, marked the end of a relationship that I never expected to end.  It’s an impossible task to not replay all of the moments in a relationship, good and bad, and ask yourself if they were real.  I questioned every word, every glance and every touch.  It’s harder when you know how real it was for you, knowing that you felt something and watching it slip through your fingers and forced to watch the door as it swings closed.

“Step Out” is the first beam of light to pierce that cloud of loss.  Immediately after the break-up, my friends Adam and Paul took me to San Diego for a weekend surf trip.  They spent the entire weekend listening, without judgement, and offering unconditional support. They each reminded me of their favorite ‘Tim’ stories and reminded me of how happy I can be, and how happy I make the people around me.  Adam and Paul were just the beginning.  The outpour of support and love I received from family and friends was incredible.  I would love to tell each and every person that supported me how much it meant to me and how I can only hope to be there for them in the same regard.  I remember returning from San Diego and walking through Venice for over an hour and sitting in the hammock listening to “Step Out” and just being overwhelmingly grateful for the people around me.

“Say Say” is a love song for all of my friends.  Because of you, I know what it means to stand on the shoulders of giants.

“And if you say say say We’re holding that weight together,together; And if you break break break; We’re holding that weight together”

“Alive” is the rebirth of fun.  The death of any fucks given and the realization that when you have amazing people around you, you can do amazing things.  To celebrate Miles’ birthday, we surprised him with tickets to see Afrojack, Lil Jon and Zedd at the Palladium.  Hands down one of the most fun nights ever.  After all 3 DJs were almost done, Zedd ended with this version of “Alive” and as I stood there shirtless, sweating, hands in the air as laser lights lit up the venue, confetti poured from the ceiling and all my best friends around me; I knew I was having a perfect moment.

“Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive, alive”

“Rollercoaster” is impossible for me to listen to without smiling and potentially shedding a happy tear.  In May, I travelled to Austin, TX for Convertro and had probably the most fun weekend in history.  Professionally, I was in the hotel room watching “We’re the Millers” with my coworkers, when we found out that we had been acquired by AOL!  Hearing the company that we helped build, that we dedicated our lives to was being acquired, was the most gratifying feeling I’ve ever had professionally.

Rewind two weeks to our CEO talking to the company and saying (paraphrased) “The opportunity to define a market, to work with such talented, hard-working people and to be successful is something special.  Appreciate it, because you may never have this again”  That statement has stuck with me.  It doesn’t just apply to work, it’s everything.  The moment we are in, the people around us… we’ll never be here again.  Relationships change.  LIFE changes.  Be the best you in every moment and appreciate how precious each of those moments are.

Some people are more precious than others.  In Austin, I had the chance to bond with Courtney, who has become one of my best friends, and who I am incredibly grateful for every day we get to be friends.

You were such a rollercoaster, And a killer queen you are

“Danger Zone” is for a summer spent on the beach.  Volleyball, tug of war, potato sack races, barbeques, last minute parties and letting things get weird.

I think we are entering a certain zone of danger

“Trumpsta” is a song for a crush.  Not all crushes are meant to last.  But, I only remember smiling, dancing and soft lips.

“I’m always causing trouble”

“Free Fallin'” was the perfect end to Outside Lands 2014.  My younger cousin Ray was able to come visit me on the West Coast and come to Outside Lands (his first music festival).  It was an incredible weekend, but I can’t help but remember 10 PM and thousands of people outside singing free fallin’ with all of their hearts while I sat on Stefans shoulders with my arms spread wide belting out Tom Petty.  It was one of the most beautiful festival moments I’ve experienced.

“And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows”

“Lose Yourself to Dance” was the highlight of the greatest playlist I’ve ever made.  Road trip to Vegas on a Friday night through Los Angeles.  Seems like torture.  It quickly turned into four and a half hours of singing, car dancing and laughing. I distinctly remember the excitement in the car for the end of each song, just to see what came on next.  Closing my eyes, I just picture the song coming on and Courtney, Stefan, Alison and I aggressively car dancing and singing and just giggling the whole time.

“Wizard” is the birth of beast mode.  22 of my favorite people sailed to Catalina and camped out for the weekend.  Our campground was a secluded piece of land in the hills with a private cove for the skinny dipping and the perfect sunsets.  Saturday night, we had a dance party in the wilderness under one of the most beautiful skies I’ve ever seen.  The moment happened, when I stole Ashley’s headlamp waited for Garrix to make the drop in “Wizard” and turned the lamp on red and officially gave zero fucks.  All of us dancing under the moon in Catalina is a night I will never forget.

Preparing for beast mode

“Alive” – I’m keeping the theme of Alive going.  I returned to Austin  for ACL 2014 and for my favorite artist Eddie Vedder (of Pearl Jam).  I know most people do not share the love that I do for Pearl Jam, so I won’t expound upon their splendour.  Pearl Jam was my first album, and I’ve liked them since 1991.  When I was in Austin, singing with 40 thousand other people, it was as if every struggle I’ve had, every time I sang those songs in my bedroom or car or desk, every feeling I’ve put into it was shared by every single one of those people.  Yet another affirmation that we are not alone.  And as if sensing my thought Eddie steps out into the crowd and screams into the mic “Austin – You are still alive!”

“I’m still alive”

When I think of my father, I remember one particular story, one particular moment that I’ve found to be extremely helpful in life.  Growing up, we had a built-in patio attached to our house that my Dad built.  If you ask any of my siblings or childhood friends, we would all agree that some of the best moments of our respective childhoods were spent in that screened in patio.  Family BBQs, summer thunderstorms, epic battles of Risk and maybe my favorite was the moments of just my Dad and I talking all night.

One evening, he told me the story of when he was building it and the pride he took in this patio was clearly palpable.  This time he told the story differently.  He told me that when he was building it that my Aunt was sick in the hospital and not doing well.  And as he was hearing this news he had just made a cosmetic mistake that, if you knew my dad, would forever drive him crazy.  He went on to tell me that he had made a deal with God, that he would leave that mistake in the hopes that my Aunt would get better and be able to come back home.  He did leave it, and she did get better.  He told me that he notices that mistake every single time he walks past it.  When I asked if it bothered him, he told me solemnly “No. It reminds me that God is listening.”

Looking at my own life, it’s easy to see all of those mistakes, all of the things that went wrong.  It took me losing everything to learn that I can have anything.

To my family, my friends and all of the people in my life – Thank you for the best year of my life.  Thank you for everything.  I hope that I can be there for you and I’m really looking forward to creating another years worth of moments with you.  Remember – “You’re still alive”